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Embracing the Catastrophe

Gay Body Seeks Acceptance

University of Wisconsin–Superior

This article examines the constitution of gay male identity through embodied performances in Steamworks, a gay male bathhouse in Chicago. Motivated by Kabat-Zinn's (1990) Buddhist conceptualizations of catastrophe and mindfulness, I reflectively track the ways in which desirability influences disconnection and identity negotiation as it occurs within a pervasive, generalized, and highly influential conceptualization of the idealized gay male body. Personal narratives scan experiences at Steamworks in which my body—less than the "ideal"—matters to me and to others culturally. I use Butler's (1990) notion of performativity to propose stylized and normative ways in which subjectivity comes to be through uses of the body.

Key Words: subjectivity • gay culture • bathhouse • performativity • narrative • aestheticized body • Butler • mindfulness • Boystown

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